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21 June 2030 @ 02:28 pm
17 March 2030 @ 02:59 am

(this is one of the few pictures of myself that i actually like)

bling bling bitch

im sure some of you are saying "Who is dis bitch and why is she on mah f-list?"

join me, won't you?

down the rabbit hole...Collapse )
Current Mood: tiredtired
20 November 2016 @ 12:03 pm
I'm having a hard time accepting that this is going to be my life for the next 4-8 years. All these terrible things going on are going to be a constant.

I predicted the future with the book I'm writing.

I'm scared af, y'all.
11 November 2016 @ 06:01 pm
First post in a long time...

I think I can finally form some coherent thoughts about the 2016 election.

I had such hope.

I had such hope that sanity would prevail and people would see Trump for the personified evil that he is, but no. That didn't happen.

All the ideals I had about America that I'd been told growing up were crushed in this election. All the history books telling me how great America is and how we're the prototype for a free society was A LIE. This country is far more racist, bigoted and sexist that I could have ever imagined. We are not free. Not when the electoral college chooses our leaders for us. Not when we're being spied on by our own government even if we do nothing wrong. Not when people are enslaved by medical/student debt. Not when people are being paid low wages for longer hours of work. Not when people are having to work 2 or 3 jobs to barely scrape by to the detriment of their health and their families. Not when we are bombing people who have never done anything to us other than be a different race and/or religion. Not when people of color cannot interact with police forces without dying.

And after seeing the stories about hate crimes in the hours after Trump was declared president-elect, I've found I've been so naive about my fellow countrymen. It's a hard pill to swallow. I always try to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt, but I now believe people are inherently evil and being a good person is taught.

The reality of it is, this country is not great, and it never has been. It was built on the backs of indentured servants stolen from their homeland or tricked into becoming one with the promise of freedom. It was built on top of the bones of an entire people (the First Nations) for the benefit of the white people who wanted to move west. This country has never been inclusive, and as long as we have people in the public eye, news networks and internet websites and radio shows all dedicated to scapegoating "the other," this country will never be inclusive of all peoples of all races, sexual orientations, genders, economic statuses, etc. As long as people are given a platform or avenue to keep others down, things will never change.

I cannot stomach this miscreant as president. Until Tuesday, I had my anxiety and panic attacks under control without medication. The days since then, I have been an absolute mess. My job is in jeopardy if the ACA is dismantled. I CANNOT be unemployed again, as many of you have read, it was the worst time of my life, and my mental state back then was a place I don't want to return to. I'm now having to go into therapy because I am terrified of what I'm going to have to live through in the next 4 years. As an empath, it's too much for me to handle. I will probably have to go back on my medication, even though it turned me into a zombie.

I know. tl;dr but I needed a place where I could talk about what I'm feeling post-election. I hope this helps any of my other friends who still use LJ if they are having the same feelings.

If you voted for Trump, get the fuck off my TL. I have zero respect for you and do not wish to associate with you any longer.

Let's expect the worst, but hope for the best.

02 April 2016 @ 04:18 pm
25 August 2013 @ 05:07 am

i keep trying to convince myself that my partying days are over.

but i just cant seem to let go...

sometimes i hate having to answer to someone, and i cant just just pick up and go to a rave when i feel like it. or down to jax to see my friends.

it sucks growing up... :(-
02 June 2013 @ 05:20 am
i have the craziest dreams sometimes. one night i had one where i found out that my parents haven't been 100% truthful when it came to my adoption, and that my dad was really my dad, but i was the product of an affair. it really makes me think they aren't being so forthcoming. they've said to me on more than one occasion that my birth parents maybe don't want to be found. i might be reading too much into that, but wouldn't you? especially when it's been said multiple times. what if it's something horrible, like my birth mom was raped? or maybe her parents were super high profile people and wanted a nice, neat closed adoption that no one would ever find out about.

i haven't found even one inkling that she (or my birth father) might be looking for me, and i don't blame her. being that young and probably forced into giving a piece of you away probably did a lot of damage, and not trying to find out if i've had a good life is her way of coping with it. but tonight, i was watching this show on oxygen, and it's about birth moms giving their babies up for adoption. it makes me wonder a lot of things: did she hold me at all when i was born? did she cry when she had to hand me over to the social worker? did she put headphones on her belly so i could hear music? did she talk to me at all? did she keep my blanket from the nursery? does she have any piece of me to remind her? has she thought about me at all over the past 33 years? why didn't she want an open adoption? did her parents send her to a maternity home so they wouldn't be embarrassed? what was going through her mind when she found out she was pregnant? did she give me a different name at birth?

i'm calling the courthouse and children and youth to find out how i can go about unsealing my records and getting her name. i don't know that'd contact her or try to reunite with her. i just want to know what she looks like, and if i look anything like her.

the laws in this state are stupid when it comes to adoptees getting their info. you have to jump through hoops and it's not always guaranteed that the birth parents will consent to you knowing who they are. it's ridiculous. i have a right to know these things.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
12 January 2013 @ 11:37 pm
i had my 90 day review at work the other night. it went well. they seem pretty happy with me. i even got a 25 cent raise. :)

i do like my job, but the hours are starting to wear on me. i dont like not having a normal schedule. i feel like i cant get anything done because all i do is work and sleep.

im considering trying to find a normal 9-5....
01 January 2013 @ 12:31 am
im a little emotional about 2012 being over....it was a tough year.

hopefully 2013 goes better. things are already looking good, since i have a job and we have a roof over our heads.
Current Mood: tiredtired
02 May 2012 @ 04:58 pm
Originally posted by madcowre at Help Us Support Planned Parenthood
Originally posted by emerald_soul at Help Us Support Planned Parenthood
Originally posted by brenden at Help Us Support Planned Parenthood
Originally posted by theljstaff at Help Us Support Planned Parenthood

Join us in standing up for reproductive health and education. Planned Parenthood, the organization that delivers reproductive health care, sex education and information to millions of people worldwide, has come under fire in the U.S. lately, with many politicians on both state and federal level seeking to end funding (and in a few cases succeeding).

During the month of May, you can send a specially designed Planned Parenthood vgift to your friends to help support this cause. (And if you need someone to send it to, frank is always happy to receive gifts!) There are three variations ($1, $5 and $10) for you to choose from, but they'd all look good on your profile when your friends know that you stand by something so important.


Thank you all for your help in our support for Planned Parenthood. This promotion ends June 1, 2012; LiveJournal is not affiliated with Parent Parenthood. For more information about Planned Parenthood, please visit: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

-The LiveJournal Team

(If you'd like to help spread the word that we're raising funds for Planned Parenthood, you can crosspost this entry in your own journal or community by using the repost button below!)